Tag Archives: soul

Depression as descent: part I

1 Mar

Our world can seem so cold at times. We feel that life is one big chore, and that there is no one to relief us from our burden. We cry during the dark hours of the night, desperately wishing there was someone to comfort us, but everyone is asleep and minding their own business. And this isn’t only the case during the night. No matter how many close friends or relatives we have, we are often left to our own devices, since they have their own life and problems too.
Although affection and love from others is an integral part of recovering from feeling down or depressed, we can’t expect others to do the healing process for us. Sometimes there is no one else there either, unfortunately.
Depression is a call from your soul, to look within instead of around you. You are the one who must travel the road down into the underworld of your being, and unfortunately you can’t bring any earthly companions.

The descent

Depression is without a doubt a call downwards. We might feel it gentle tugs when we are still cheery and going strong, but if we don’t pay attention to our inner life, what we are really thinking and going through, the tugs will cease to be gentle, and we will find ourselves on our knees before we know it.

Camille Maurine writes in her book “Meditation secrets for women”:

There are times in a woman’s life when the call downward is a transformative journey, a summon to the depths of the soul.
People tend to think of spirituality as rising upwards into the sky. In the traditional (male) teachings, enlightenment is often described as a flight from the lower centers of the body, the instinctive and sexual places, to the upper centers in the head and then out. By contrast, a woman’s spiritual quest at some points leads to a soulful sinking down into herself. Everyone fears this descent, this sinking down. Yet sinking down connects us with the earth, with our personal ground, with our foundation. There is a secret in “endarkenment”.
The realm of the soul is not light and airy, but more like mud: messy, wet and fertile. Soul processes go on down there with the moss and worms, down there with the decaying leaves, down there where death turns into life. Deepening into soul requires the courage to go underground, to stretch our roots into the dark, to writhe and curl and meander through rich, moist soil. In this darkness we find wisdom, not through the glaring beam of will, but by following a wild, blind yet unfailing instinct that senses the essence in things, that finds nourishment to suck back into growth.(1)

It’s not about getting out of this mess as soon as possible. It’s about having the courage to truly stand what you see down there, and to transform it into something new. We mustn’t use religion and spirituality as a mean to completely ignore ourselves and only concentrate on the heavens above, hoping to be saved. Instead, I think it’s wiser if we use it as a close companion to which we can constantly turn when we are going through this painful descent. There is no need to pretend to be fine when you are praying or meditating. There is no need to be anyone else but yourself.

Hidden treasures

It’s important that when our soul calls for us, we listen, and that we don’t desperately try to cling to our life as we know it. The period in our lives in which we feel our inner pain so acutely, is a very special one. Daily life loses its meaning, and reaching out to others is not enough to cheer us up. We feel that only spending time with ourselves, being gentle and caring towards ourselves, and retreating from the outer world, will help us heal.
Of course we are afraid, because we fear the unknown. We don’t know yet what we will see when we dive, and it might be more severe than we first thought. We don’t know how it will affect our lives, and we also fear change.
But we have no choice, we are already in the water, and there is no turning back. Let’s be strong, and find the hidden treasures of this difficult period, in which we feel so cut off from others and the world around us.

Camille Maurine continues: The down-ward moving emotions, such as regret, grief, and loneliness, lead you into your depths. Everyone experiences these at times during meditation, and they are not to be resisted. If you have undergone the loss of a loved one, a way of life, a self-image, or a dream, there may be grief in your heart. Enter the grief and let it release its healing gift.
When we are in solitude or in sorrow, we are sitting by the sacred well of life. Although we may be crying, we will emerge renewed.  Though we fear we could cry forever, the more we yield to this process, the more quickly it can resolve itself. Many meditators say there are times when they die and are reborn in a heartbeat because they have learned to surrender.
In opening to our own suffering, we share in the poignancy of the human condition. We become aware of others who suffer, tuning in to the morphogenetic field of humanity. Linking to the rest of humanity through our shared suffering can be a conscious prayer and transformation. In meditation we can open our hearts to breathe in the suffering of the world and to breathe out with compassion and healing for the self and others.
Grief and love are intertwined. If you love, you risk inevitable loss-and choose to love regardless. We lose each other one way or another, through separation or death. To bear this grief is to live with an open heart. (2)

(1) C.MAURINE, Meditation secrets for women, HarperOne, p.210
(2)C.MAURINE, Meditation secrets for women, HarperOne,p.212


Work Work Work

29 Jul

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.

Martin Luther King Jr.

I am currently doing a summerjob in a company that produces and sells wallcovering. This is my last week, and frankly, I’m glad. I’ve never seen myself as a “company person”, and this job made me realise more than ever that economic life is not my true calling. I can’t work just for the sake of making money. I need a job that fulfills me, that feeds my soul and my hunger for knowledge. Making commands and invoices the whole day is not exactly what my soul wants or needs, to be honest. Of course, I’m grateful that I got the 3-week-job, so I can make some money, but it’s not something I see myself doing for the rest of my life. I want to work, yes. I want to contribute, to make a difference in the lives of people. Is that ambitious? Yes. Is it vain? No. I believe we were all born with special talents, born with the ability to make a positive change, and we should use that gift to the fullest.

As for myself, I love to write. I don’t know if I’m any good at it, I just know that I want to be a writer,  like so many others of course. We all need something to strive for, a passion, a dream. My brother, for example, is very passionate about making music, especially electronic music. It’s not my style, but that’s not the point. He wants to be a professional DJ and performer, and the fact that there are actually already a bunch of DJ’s doing the job pretty well, doesn’t stop him from trying. He spends most of his free time creating music, and performing at clubs. When he makes money, he spends it on new instruments, new gadgets for his electro music. He also plays the guitar, piano and drums. He’s got talent, yes, but that’s often not enough. Still, he just knows he wants to do this, and his determination is an inspiration to me when I’m losing touch with my passions in life. His love for his music pushes me to not give up on the things my heart is longing for, because we can only be happy when we are fighting for our dreams.

I know that creation takes time, and practise. So in the mean time, I would like to translate books. I love stories, and I love languages, so I thought it might be a good combination for me. To be emerged in literature, every second of the day. But then again, I want to help people too. It’s so tricky choosing a “practical”  job that’s right for you!
I’m still studying now, so the decision is not so urgent either.

I’m hoping to be hit on the head with inspiration some time soon though! 😉